“Don’t brood. Get on with living and loving. You don’t have forever.” — Leo Buscaglia
Unsponsored. How Influencers are Causing the Downfall of Their Industry. #sponlife
Working It. If you work in an office, go to the Talbot’s shoe section right now. Tortoise kitten heels, must have.
Unclean. Just how dirty is your phone?
Wrapped Up. Need a dress for an end of summer wedding? I love Yumi Kim’s fun floral dresses. This short sleeve mini and this sleeveless midi are both worth a look.
No Other Gods. Worshipping the False Idol of Wellness: Charcoal, toxins, and the other nonsense.
Such a Stud. Who says stud earrings have to be boring? I like these slightly edgy Gorjana studs and these Uncommon James chevrons.
Give It Away. Africa does not want our used/donated clothing, and it’s causing a trade problem.
Wowza. Have you seen Sephora’s new section The Weekly Wow? It’s limited time discounts on products like these Wander lipstick duos.
Jealous Again. Kylie Jenner, Refinery29, and the Denial Underlying Millennial Financial Resentment.
Last week was hard. This week was a bit easier. I’m so overwhelmed. I know my depression is worse than it has been in years. I also know this is the longest down period of my life. So it’s time to change my strategy.
For years, when I’ve been down, I try to go bigger. Think bigger, dream bigger. But that just feels too heavy in a city where wanting bigger is treated like a character flaw.
This time, I think I need to think smaller, temporarily. Write good blog posts. Go to the gym. Focus on smaller things that I can make progress on. And then, when I get back to level, think bigger again.
It’s not a retreat, it’s an advance to the rear. Think progress.
Good luck with the new strategy! You are an inspiration to many. I appreciate how open you are with the struggles so many of us hide.
I’m in a city like that right now, having left DC. I hear you on the complicating factor there.
Thank you for sharing with us, and please, let us know what we can do to help chase that black dog (…not Avery) away even for a bit. We care about you.
You have to draw an arrow backwards in a purposeful, focused way to propel it forward. You are doing all the right things!
You are amazing and this too will pass. At my lowest I found “feeling good: the new kid therapy” to be a huge help. Sending lots of good thoughts!
Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is get out of bed and face your day.
Really great content today. The articles on trade agreements and discarded clothes, how we judge how privileged young women spend, the bullsh*t that is the wellness movement, all great reads that got my very tired procrastinating brain moving this morning. Thank you and happy Friday friend. 🙂
Think your strategy sounds great. I like thinking of it not as smaller or saying no to everything, but saying yes to deeper and richer meaning and experiences.
Some days (weeks, months, years) all you can do is put one foot in front of the other and try to point yourself in the right direction. It may be too much to think of now, but it helps for me to think about goals that enrich me as a person, not just goals that are a mark of personal success. When I felt like I was losing my way I made goals around volunteering or altruism, because while misery may love company, cheering other people up in whatever way I can seems to bring light to the world in a way like no other. I hope your path becomes clear, even if it doesn’t get easier.
Your comment about it “feels too heavy in a city where wanting bigger is treated like a character flaw,” just hit me like a ton of bricks. It is EXACTLY my situation as well, but I could never quite put my finger on it.
Our environment plays such a huge role in our psychological/emotional well being. Not just well being, but like… our emotional trajectory. And it’s so hard to feel ‘trapped’ in it, because there isn’t anything we can do to “fix” it.
My MIL once told me life works like a stream. When it flows it flows, and when there’s a rock in the way, it slows down. She said her trick is, when it’s slow, she doesn’t try to fight it to make it go faster. She tries to see what she can do in her slow period that will maximize the flow. For her, this was like, doing small renovations around the house, or going on a few trips. And when she flows, she flows hard to see just how far she can go. The part about not forcing the flow to speed up really resonated with me, and is something I’m trying to deal with right now.
So I love your strategy about focusing on maximizing the joy and output of the small things. And at some point the tide will shift, and those small things would hopefully lead you to ride the fuck out of a new current.
Each morning set out to do 3 things, even if one of those things is “get out of bed”. Rinse, repeat. The rest will follow. Do not lose hope or faith in yourself.
Hugs.
I love Leo Buscaglia. He was in shows I watched as a kid
While clothes and nice things make our days pleasant and pretty the real accomplishments around family, relationships and financial security provide a deeper sense of happiness. I hope the bonds around you are strong and that your blog continues to be real and beautiful.
That’s interesting about wanting bigger being treated like a character flaw. That’s part of why I want to leave DC. I found myself doing what I felt like I “should” be doing and lost sight of what I truly wanted. Now that I have a better sense, it’s hard not to compare myself to others and not feel like I’m failing.
I grew up in a place where wanting bigger was treated like a (very serious) character flaw. It was so, so, hard. Best of luck with the new strategy; sounds like a great approach.
Much love, admiration, and appreciation for you and the community you provide us. From a follower in CA.
Thanks so much for doing what you do, one day at a time!
reculer pour mieux sauter!
I love your blog – thank you for sharing all the thought-provoking articles that you come across!
I hope you have help for your depression. It can be hard to reach out, but medication and therapy were lifesavers for me. I’m rooting for you.
Anna – I feel the same about DC. I chose to leave and every time I do meet the old crew my blood pressure rises- all that matters is a where you work,what you do and where to next. God forbid your not aiming for that promotion! You need to think about your career! they are also heavy drinkers, borderline alcoholics. You get terribly judged if you decide to go another route.
This may sound cliched, but surrounding yourself with people and loved ones, will help chase away the depression. While there are many factors that cause this underlying disease, one is our increasingly isolated society, where we are transfixed to our devices rather than making actual face-to-face connections. Is there a way to create a community / group where you can meet for coffee, a quick bite, or even just a few minutes to chat? If so, I think that helps more than any therapy or medication, at least it does for me. Good luck and God Bless!
What is bigger? I keep thinking that we should redefine what that means, because bigger can mean so many different things to so many different people.
In my life I started with a vision for my life. And somewhere along the way my dreams changed; my goal are more introspective and perhaps not visible to most. I just watched a movie called ‘Generation Wealth” that touches on this topic.
Focusing on the small is a really good strategy, and it’s what I did when I needed to get back up to normal.
Not sure if you have sought out medication, but going on an anti-anxiety/anti-depressant helped me immensely and made me able to get back to a place where I could deal and no longer needed medication. It may be a bit of trial and error in finding the right combination of meds (I tried a few) but it was so worth it. Good luck Abra!
I’m suicidal on every anti-depressant, anti-anxiety med I’ve ever tried. So I need to find non prescription ways to cope. Glad it’s helping you!
Thanks so much for all you do. You are such a positive influence on so many of us. I very much appreciate your honesty and candor. Take care – we are all rooting for you!