For the past few months, I’ve been living my life between a rock and a hard place and it’s taking a mental toll. I know what will make me feel better, more like myself, but I also know what it will cost me. As a result, I’ve been struggling with a bout of depression.
Some days, I feel fine. Some days, I can barely get out of bed. This blog doesn’t get written every day. Resumes don’t get sent out. I don’t think my house has ever been this dirty for this long, ever. But the world doesn’t stop, and the next day, I wake up and try again.
At least summer is here. A bit of sunshine, an easy sundress, a crisp breeze, it helps. Here comes the sun, little darling. Here comes the sun, and I say, it’s alright…
When a fellow true-crime-buff recommended Evil Genius, I thought it would be amazing. The reality was a bit murkier.
The first episode was the most intriguing hour of television that I’ve seen in a while. After that, the quality of the storytelling waned a bit, like the whole series could have been half as long. And my only takeaway from the show (besides feeling sad for the possibly innocent person involved), was that the difference between a personality and a personality disorder may just be a question of degree.
Regardless, if you need a quick binge-watch to fill your weekend, this is a good one.
The best thing about summer is summer dresses. Your casual wardrobe, no thinking required. Just grab a dress, some sandals and a piece of jewelry and you’re done.
This Everlane GoWeave mini-dress is so cheery in this bright yellow. It also comes in navy and black. Need more length? They make it in a midi-length. Need something for casual Friday? Their collarless, striped shirtdress gives you professionalism with a summer vibe.
Because I watch CNN, I can’t escape mentions of Jake Tapper’s debut novel The Hellfire Club. The book is about a young congressman who gets caught in the web of a secret society during the McCarthy era, a time when people know something is seriously wrong with the political system, but no one is willing to speak truth to power.
It’s a good, fast-moving read. It’s perfect for the beach or an airplane. The story is a bit like a Brad Meltzer novel, and is good enough, I stopped being annoyed by how often the CNN anchors are plugging it.
Glossier Invisible Shield was my new every-day sunscreen. It melts into your skin without making it look chalky or oily. And it doesn’t feel heavy or greasy, while offering SPF 35 protection. It’s perfect for layering under makeup. However…
The Glossier sunscreen isn’t water or sweat resistant. You cannot wear it at the pool or the beach. You cannot wear it while hiking in the hot sun. I’m sorry, that’s just not going to work. I don’t spend my whole life in the office. So I picked up Supergoop’s Unseen Sunscreen, which is SPF 40 and both water and sweat resistant.
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So sorry to hear you’re going through a rough time. I have been following your blog for so long, you feel like an old friend, and I truly wish all the best for you. I hope you come out on the other side very soon. Sending warm vibes and support.
Thank you for sharing your down periods, whether it is a funk or clinical depression. Everyone should know that there is no shame in being down. We are not all we appear to be on social media (or in the workplace). It is ok to seek help, whether it is self-care, meditation, a break, therapy or medication. As a blog reader and fan, I support you, and I hope your readers know that they can make a change in their own lives, and reach out for help, as well. Good luck!
I’m so sorry to hear. Sending lots of love your way!
What happened to moving to DC? Also in the middle of trying to relocate from the West Coast and having a hard time with it (6+ months in). I find exercise helps me. Not necessarily hours at the gym but a quick 15 minute walk around the park can make a serious improvement to my attitude. Worth a shot?
I definitely have this relationship with the sun too, hope it brightens your days soon. Can’t wait for summer clothes, summer sandals and summer weather. It keeps tricking me…
I’m sorry about the rock and the hard place. Wishing you strength to move forward.
(And throw some money at a cleaner – it will help you feel better.)
I am so sorry to hear you’re experiencing this. Sending you light and love.
Relocation, a job change, job searching – all of those pursuits and changes and desires are difficult and difficult to find the energy to actively pursue day after day. You are clearly driven, professional and intelligent. You’ll find the right thing. I’m sorry that it’s tough right now. We all appreciate you.
From a longtime reader — I’m sorry to hear you’re having a tough time, but thank you for sharing. I wish more of us would speak up when things are rough. I hope it passes soon.
I am so sorry you are having a rough time. We are all sending you the love.
Abra – sending support your way. I, too, feel like Katherine in that you almost feel like an old friend since I’ve been reading your blog for such a long time. I’ll continue to read it (and follow on FB and Insta) for however much you’re up to posting, and it’s ok if that’s not very much at this time. Good luck!
sending love!
Thank you for your honesty, and I hope the sun is soon coming back into your life figuratively as well as literally.
As other readers have mentioned, I’d love to hear where you are in your life/career, even if just an update on your hopes/aspirations/direction, and not the actual path you’re on at the moment.
Rooting for you and sending positive vibes your way!
I have always appreciated your honesty, and find myself so grateful that you admit to down days. I’m a working mom and have struggled with depression and anxiety (like so many!) for as long as I’ve been in the work world. I always find myself comforted when others share their struggles, so thanks for being brave and honest. We DO get to try again tomorrow, so here’s to that … may it be a constant reminder that we are strong and capable no matter how our days go!
I’ve been a long time follower though I haven’t really participated in the comment section much. What you said about “life between a rock and a hard place”, the mental toll it takes, and what it costs to “feel better[and] feel like [yourself]” all resonate so much with me. I have gone through this a couple of times myself in the last few years, and I truly empathize. I’m glad that despite your struggles, you still manage to see the positives in life, and I hear some optimism in your voice.
Thanks so much for sharing. It’s not always easy, but it helps, and can mean so much to others who are going through similar challenges. No one should suffer alone. I hope things work out for you soon 🙂
Belle – I’ve followed this blog through my own moves cross country (Chicago > DC > San Francisco). As you’ve heard in other comments, your realness is much appreciated! Wishing you the best!! Thanks for all the posts over the years.
I hope you feel better. I know how devastating depression can be. Yoga is helping me if that helps you. All the best to you. Thank you for my very favorite blog.
Hi Abra,
Thank you for always being so honest with all of us, whom you’ve never met but are all here in your corner. I can only say I’ve been through it to, especially a few weeks ago, and what helped was getting it all out in the open with a good friend and colleague, even if messy snotty ugly crying was involved. Do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself. Hugs, – Barbara
I was traveling for a few weeks and I’m just catching up on your posts – yours is the only blog I actually subscribe to (and usually read the comments!). I want to echo the thoughts of everyone who already posted. I often write comments and end up deleting them, not able to find the right words but I wanted to show you support. Thank you for sharing your life with us.