At the start of the pandemic, I had high hopes for my time in self-isolation. A creative project or two. Maybe I’d brush up my French on DuoLingo. Perhaps I’d finally tackle those closets that needed mucking out. But by May, I had abandoned most of these plans in favor of watching shows on Netflix that I never, ever would have considered watching before.
That’s how, one late night, while writing campaign copy, I found myself watching the GOOP miniseries. Gwyneth Paltorw’s wellness empire has always fascinated me, so taking a peek into the weird and expensive world of wellness was very interesting. And unsurprisingly, in the throes of sleep deprivation and campaign stress, I started to think that I needed more of her pricey SoCal wellness in my life.
Enter the Prolon 5-Day Detox. No, I don’t know what level of insanity I must have reached to think that I was going to enjoy eating nothing but powdered soup, herbal tea and supplements for a whole week, but here we are.
I did beauty pageants, so I’ve done all of the specious cleanses and detoxes — Blueprint, Master Cleanse, Cabbage Soup, etc. But this one, advertised as scientifically proven to improve cellular longevity, is the worst.
The soups are like paste. The supplements are the size of small sausages. The teas are mostly mint, which is gross. And the weird sugary water you have to drink all day tastes like the fluoride that give elementary school children.
As for effectiveness, if the goal was to make me hangry and tired, it’s definitely working. Yesterday, I got to eat four kale crackers and I was so excited about it that I was counting the minutes. So why am I still doing it?
We’ve reached a place of spite motivation. I know that all the weight I’ve lost is just water. The carb-starvation headache has lasted two days. Last night, my husband made himself dinner, and I had to go for a walk while he ate it because the smell of toasted lunch meat was simply too enticing (and I never eat lunch meat). But I’ll be damned if I am going to quit now. If Gwyneth can survive this, then so can I.
Selfridge’s is having a huge sale. And if you need business attire, this is the place to go.
This blazer from Ted Baker is under-$75. You can even snap up this incredible Roland Mouret peplum jacket for 60%-off. For work dresses, I found this cobalt Max Mara and this sage green Max Mara at incredible prices. From blouses to shoes, the sale really has something for everyone.
Sizes are pretty limited, so I recommend sorting by your UK size and shopping that way. Otherwise, you’ll find something amazing and be disappointed when it’s not available in your size.
I just bought this, so I haven’t started Sex and Vanity yet. But I need some lightness in my life. Everything right now feels so heavy, and a Kevin Kwan novel that is a decadent, gossipy romance feels like what I need to be reading right now. Literary escapism, let’s do it.
Obviously, I’m not eating “real” food right now. But this weekend I will be back to eating solids, and I can’t wait. So the recipe I have chosen for my first dinner back is this Shredded Beef Enchilada in Adobo Sauce. It looks incredible, and while I’m going to go a little lighter on the sauce (Kyle hates smothered foods), I think it’s going to be amazing.
I wrote about this Peter Thomas Roth Niacinamide Discoloration Treatment a few weeks ago. I wasn’t ready to do a full review at the time, but now I am. This stuff works.
I have bad acne scarring on my right cheek. It’s uneven. It’s dark. Not even foundation and concealer can hide it. This cream has noticeably minimized its appearance. And in the middle of a terrible breakout, the product seemed to help the blemishes heal more quickly without the lasting dark spots. It’s officially in the rotation.
To use this serum right, you need sunscreen. Full stop. Without sunscreen, you’re just pouring the product down the drain. Suntegrity is my favorite, but I also love Supergoop.
Need a drugstore version of this product? The Ordinary has a Niacinamide and Zinc serum that will offer similar effects. The Niacinamide helps discoloration, and Zinc balances sebum activity on oily skin.
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I don’t usually recommend cleanses, but I did Dr. Junger’s Clean Diet earlier this year and I loved it. You can get his supplements but you don’t have to, I did it on my own. I lost quite a bit of weight, but I also felt so much better. I had a few hangry moments on the cleanse, but you’re able to eat a real meal and snacks so it’s not bad.
That sounds horrible, Belle. I’ll light a candle for you that this weekend is here before you know it. Life’s too short to do anything Gwyneth Paltrow recommends, imo. The enchiladas look amazing!
We had very different reactions to the miniseries. I watched and came out as “yep, total crock”. The jumping into ice water as a way to treat cancer bit, as my mother is going through cancer, was just the icing on the cake for me. And also, I get hangry eating solid food…if I recall the review of the cleanse on the show wasn’t great either.
I didn’t say it was good. I thought it was interesting what people are willing to believe. The one where the guy massaged people while only touching the air around them was especially weird.
I highly recommend the Ordinary version, especially if the Peter Thomas Roth price is a bit out of your reach! I’ve been using it for a few months and it’s helped a lot with my cystic scarring along my jawline, as well as overall texture.
Oh, I hope you give yourself permission to stop if you want to. You have so much on your plate this sounds like self-torture.
I’m on day 4, there’s no reason I can’t do one more. I thought about quitting yesterday, but I paid money for it, so I’m going to see it to the end.
I had this PTR product on my list for a while but hadn’t pulled the trigger until you said you had tried it and liked it. I LOVE it.
I had a particular dark spot on my drivers-side cheek that wouldn’t budge no matter what I’ve done and I was considering an IPL facial for my birthday to see if that would work, but since cosmetic procedures seem a little pointless right now I thought it was worth a shot. I’ve only been using it for a week but my skin really likes it, and I think it’s actually making a difference on a few spots of discoloration already. I have really sensitive skin and have had bad reactions to The Ordinary products in the past, so if you can swallow the price then this product is great.
Going without makeup has really made me notice some late-30s skin issues that a little powder covered up ok before, I’m optimistic about this one!
Girl, sometimes spite motivation works. I do some good work when what I really what to do is give someone the finger. Have yourself some delicious enchiladas and a good cocktail when it’s all over!
Ohhhh noooo, my Prolon just shipped today. What did I get myself into, haha.
I’m adding that PTR cream to my Sephora cart so it’s there and I don’t forget it next time I make an order! I’m a picker (so bad, I KNOW) and I have lots of leftover spots and scars that aren’t fading as quickly as they used to. Excited to try this product!
I am SO glad you wrote about prolon! I have been thinking about doing the cleanse before my small sept wedding as quarantining has me basically abandoning all eating and workout plans. Now I’ll def skip it (unless you give us an update that its worth it!)
Do the three-day Lemon Kind juice cleanse. I’ve done it a few times, I always de-bloat, lose a little water weight, and brighten up my skin when I do it.
I started Sex & Vanity last night after re-reading all of the Crazy Rich Asians series over the last two months. In these times when all I want is escapism, Kwan delivers.
I went on a Kevin Kwan/Crazy Rich Asians trilogy binge about a month after quarantine started and it’s been the best relief I’ve found. I just got my hands on Sex and Vanity a few days ago and it’s even better than his previous books.
And Michelle Yeoh is impossibly chic as Eleanor in the film version of Crazy Rich Asians.