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1) The cartoon every woman, wife, and mother needs to read. (Emma)
2) This Ulla Johnson dress. I don’t think I’ve ever lusted after a piece of clothing so hard.
3) Yes, it’s just too hard for Google to track gender pay data. #middlefinger (Fortune)
4) Really intrigued by Clinique’s matte lip powder. It’s like eyeshadow for your lips.
5) Meet the 26-year old woman running for Congress. Get it, girl! (NYMag)
6) Nordstrom Musts: white applique dress, striped summer top, and sunburst maxi dress.
7) Hollywood still has no idea how to resist Donald Trump. (Vice)
8) H&M has the best patio decor. Loving this printed, aqua table cloth.
9) Can changing one word help you get better feedback? (Signal v. Noise)
10) I will probably live in this racerback maxi and this short t-shirt dress this summer.
11) How the self-esteem craze took over America. Explains so much. (Science of Us)
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What I’m Thinking About. Romantic travel spots that you don’t need a passport for.
What I’m Adding to My Water. Chlorophyll. See this article for more info.
What I’m Listening To. The new Arcade Fire.
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Re #9: Oh I love this. I agree that there is a negative connotation to the word “feedback”. Asking for advice is a great way to avoid that word but still get the response that you’re looking for. Will totally try that!
The comic in #1 is ridiculously, painfully, incredibly accurate!
Yes, yes it is. I sent it to K, and as like, let’s discuss some of this later.
I’ll say that it isn’t accurate for me. I absolutely refuse to carry the entire mental load of my family. I saw (see) what it does to my mother and I will not let it happen to me. Some of this requires letting go. My house is not that clean, my closet does not look exactly the way I want it, we eat the same damn things over and over, but I do not do laundry, and I do not cook, and I never think about those things. (Neither of us clean, though, so I currently have finding a cleaning person on my mental load list.) My kids are happy and I am happy. I do not tell my husband how to do things and I try really hard not complain about the way his stuff gets done. If either of us have complaints about things around the house, we have a discussion about whether it really needs doing and if it does, who will do it. I don’t think either of us carry the entire mental load of our household – we each carry the mental load for the things we are responsible for.
I’m on the same page as you, Meg. I also don’t carry the mental load and refuse to. I never do dishes. I don’t do my husband’s laundry. I don’t scrub. I don’t pay the bills. Whenever something isn’t as it should be, we talk about splitting the load, or agree on a realistic timeline about when things can get done.
But I do think we’re probably in the minority. I look around me, esp my MIL and how she runs things…. well, I supposed she actually *wants* the mental load to feel…. needed?
But agree with the overall point of the comic that yeah, women do carry a bigger mental load
Ditto Meg, but also agree with Jules that we might be in the minority. And maybe some people think I’m not a good wife / mother because I refuse, so there is always that bias that as a woman that’s how I’m supposed to be! I know women at various positions on the spectrum of literally doing everything for everyone in the house and myself who does the minimum for us all to be happy and healthy.
Re: the comic in #1, I strongly recommend Tiffany Dufu’s book “Drop the Ball.” A really interesting read, it made me feel better about how I was feeling about the division of labor at home, but also had lots of advice on how Tiffany worked on the issue in her house (without the luxury of hiring a whole staff).
I keep a clean house because I feel like things spin out of control in chaos, and a messy home isn’t hospitable. Our kids bring friends over all the time and I want them to feel welcome. I cook our meals because we have to eat, and eating out is too expensive and so bad for you. Being a wife and mother is my non-paid job, and my favorite. Then there’s my other job, as a high school counselor, that pays the bills. It’s so important to teach children a strong work ethic, both at home and the workplace.
The comic is awesome and so painfully true. But shouldn’t we be sending it to all the men in our lives?
yes!
Absolutely. Sent it over to my husband as soon as I got to the bottom. And if my 2.5 son were old enough, I would send it his way too! Hear, hear. The mental load is real.
UGH that starburst maxi is amazing and I hate maxis.
#3, companies like Google clearly have the financial and organizational capacity to make pay equity happen internally if they make it a priority, so that is always frustrating, but not very surprising to hear. It is also ridiculous when companies of that size claim that it is “too burdensome” to comply with the conditions of government contracts.
“Google says it has closed both gender and race-based pay gaps in its U.S. workforce.” cool, if that’s true it seems like demonstrating that not just to DOL, but also to the public would be a great PR move. And a walk in the park for a company with reputation for being unparalleled for it’s ability to collect, analyze and use data, no?
Agreed.
Thanks for sharing the article on self-esteem. I now ‘get’ why the millenials are taking selfies everywhere. I had just heard people complaining about how every kid gets a medal, but hadn’t known about the psychological movement behind it. Fascinating that this generation of kids are getting the same treatment, only it’s with ‘grit.’ Like the author states, its far more simplistic than actually reforming education or acknowledging inequality.
The comic is spot on. Its the main reason I do not return to the workforce, although I have to say I really do love raising my kids fulltime too. I know that if I DID work out of the house I would still have all the work that I do IN the house to come home to every night. No thank you. There is no amount of ‘job fulfillment’ that is worth that. I see my working mom friends going crazy taking care of everything with little help from spouses. I have found the men only pitch in when it comes to kid’s sports.
The chlorophyll article is pseudoscience. It definitely does not act as an oxygen transporter in the blood. It’s purpose in plants is to fix carbon, for carbohydrate synthesis, and release oxygen!! Help hemoglobin? HYPE. Plus it gets broken down in the gut. There is no solid evidence that it has anti cancer properties. Ugh.
If it wasn’t obvious, not all spouses are going to respond well to #1. Sigh.
K and I talked about it. He disagreed with a good bit, but when we kept it to just the parts that mirror our lives, we had a positive discussion. I think when someone is doing something without knowing it or intending it, they’re much less likely to respond well to asking the behavior to change. Maybe we’ll all get to a place where this discussion doesn’t need to happy anymore, someday.